PRINCESS PROTECTION PROGRAM
Yes. Yes, I did. I did watch Disney Channel’s original movie Princess Protection Program. And I must say this: I don’t think Selena Gomez can be in anything where she is not adorable.
Of course, she was being compared to Demi Lovato, who was horrendous, so then again, maybe Selena wasn’t as stellar as you’d think. But anyway, I did want to give Selena Gomez props. Because the rest of this post might be painful.
I’ll admit this openly. I’ve seen–repeatedly–The Princess Diaries and The Princess Diaries 2. Demi Lovato is no Anne Hathaway. In fact, Demi Lovato plays royalty the same way Summer Glau played Cameron in Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles: as a robot. Of course, Summer Glau was supposed to be a robot.
You doubt me? Think about when she was bowling. She tossed the bowl down the lane, then stood there and watched with no expression as people cheered around her and the pins came down. Considering how interested she was in winning (she did ask, after all), you’d think she’d have some expression when the pins hit the floor.
Further, I felt like this was a very forced, yet stereotypical, way of playing a princess. Would you really imagine that today princesses don’t dress themselves? I mean, even Mia picked out her own clothes in The Princess Diaries 2, let alone put them on.
I must also say that the story itself was a bit weak. I mean, someone wants to take over the crown–a crown that a 16-year-old will take over in a month. Um, seriously? First, they’ll really have her rule at 16? That’s a recipe for disaster, especially if she can’t even dress herself. Plus, once she flees, who’s to say that this guy wouldn’t just through a coup and take over? What’s the 16-year-old going to really do?
Moreover, the end. There wasn’t time to add five extra minutes to explain how Carter’s father knew to hop in that helicopter and save the day? And I certainly don’t want to analyze the real legal actions of claiming that he was being arrested internationally for kidnapping. She was willingly going with him, for one thing. Add in how complicated international relations are and the hows and whys and processes of actually arresting a visiting foreigner–yeah, it’s much more complicated than they showed.
A few other notes:
- If you’re going to throw a sword at someone’s head, don’t miss. It’s much easier to hit the person in the head than to get it through the rings of a crown.
- Why wouldn’t her mother just go with her? I guess that was to prevent the whole coup thing I mention above, but really, she ended up kidnapped and in prison anyway. What’s the difference?
- Ok, so there’s a Princess Protection Program. Original premise for a movie, but really? There are that many princesses that need protection? Taking a quick glance at Yahoo Answers, it looks like there are only 28 monarchies left, so could a program really be run? Whether this is accurate or not, you’re really looking at the number of possible princesses that are in danger at one time. That can’t be all that high.
- So they’re in Louisiana, right? I’m sorry, Disney. But Louisiana has an African American population of about 33.5%, and I think I saw one African American student at that school. Um, what?
- Dear, Jamie Chung. I’m very sorry you had to go from Samurai Girl to this. And by the way, how old are you? You play 20-something a few years ago and 16 now? Wow.
- Little red-headed squeaky girl: Sometimes your voice was high, annoying, and squeaky. Sometimes it wasn’t.
- Did anyone else think that Rosie overreacted to the blackmail? I mean, she was going to hand over the crown (oh yeah, the pool scene made no sense), and then they would leave her alone about her secret. So why did she have to go back? That would helped nothing.
Overall, the movie was probably cute for a young audience. It did, overall, have a good, positive message. And I do ask that of the Disney Channel movies that I see. So that’s good.
But on a true level, it needed some work. And perhaps a better person than Demi Lovato. Disney, just because two people are best friends and they’re your new up-and-comer, that doesn’t mean you need to make them the poster child for any new project you do.
I thought you learned this with the failed TV show that is JONAS.