HSM goes preggo!

BONES: 4.16 “The Salt in the Wounds”

Ok, ok. No, High School Musical did not go preggo, but how can you resist such a heading when a certain Monique Coleman (Taylor from the HSM movies) shows up pregnant? Not only that, but her baby daddy is another Disney Channel brat?

So last night’s episode sounded very familiar. A pregnancy pact in high school? Where did I last hear that? Oh yeah: The Gloucester High School pregnancy pact! Of course!

Talk about ripped from the headlines. At least a murder wasn’t involved.

The murder itself was a little convoluded. By the end, I had some trouble connecting the dots. But I did enjoy seeing Angela and Sweets try to be a married couple. I think we’ve learned never to have them do that again.

Speaking of Angela, what’d we think about her relationshippal status change this week? I really want to see her and Hodges back together, but sadly, I dont’ think it will be happening any time soon. I’m glad they hooked up, though; my first question when they dashed off together was, why would you want to see your ex-fiance right after you got dumped?

Her reaction to Bones’ agreement, though, was different. She was really disturbed that Bones, who is less emotional than a pile of bricks (yes, I’m using the bricks analogy a lot lately), agreed that Angela was living her life correctly. This was a wakeup call for Angela, who might not want to be as detached as Bones. I wonder if we’ll be seeing a different Angela–or maybe just a morphing Angela–from here on out.

I must say one other shout-out to the new intern this week. I thoroughly enjoyed him, though I thought Bones’ treatise on his religious practices was unnecessary.

The best part of the episode, though, was Booth’s chat with the father of four to-be babies. It was really a wakeup call to this kid, and you know, it really needed to be said. Not just to him, but to many kids out there. Not that I think he was trying to be Mr. After School Special to the viewing audience, but it really did hit home. This kid had no idea what he had done and how his future could be changed.

Plus, perhaps it’s something we’ll be looking into in the future. Foreshadowing baby daddies and such. I’m not spoiling here. I’m speculating.

I can’t spoil when the spoilers I hear are vague!

Money: It’s what she wants

HANNAH MONTANA: 3.04 “You Never Give Me My Money”

So you’re right. I haven’t been keeping up with the new episodes of Hannah Montana. To be honest, I try to stay away from Disney Channel these days. It seems like I”ve seen everything that it has to offer as of late, and honestly, Miley Cyrus is bugging the crap out of me lately. It’s like with chopping off her Hannah hair, she chopped off any of her acting skills and likability.

Anyway, bored on a Saturday evening, I caught an episode of Hannah I haven’t seen. This time, Miley wants more money and somehow forgot that it comes with more responsibility. Of course, she thinks responsibility is just a test from her dad, forgetting that, oh, no, that’s just daily life.

So of course there are antics. I mean, she rips a Hannah wig off a young girl’s head to try to get free samples of makeup. Somehow I don’t even think desperate Miley would make this mistake. Plus, once she leaps into the open vat of powder, her hair looks strikingly light–in fact, much like Hannah Montana. Has no one noticed?

Speaking of, did anyone notice that Miley and Lily actually yelled on Miley’s backyard that Miley was Hannah Montana? I mean, I’m sorry, but is this not a secret anymore? They certainly aren’t treating it like one.

Anyway, I guess the episode did better than my expectations. When I read the description, I thought it would be another episode about how Miley gets money and spends it uncontrollably. I was insanely happy to see that Miley pointed out the previous episode when she did this with the credit card and countered that problem head on. And comparably, at least it was tame. Her wacky antic didn’t involve sticking a fork in her cavity filling, after all.

The highlights of the episode were in the characters Robbie Ray and Oliver, in my opinion. This show has always let characters on the sidelines shine with one-liners. I’m a fan of puns, so Robbie Ray’s egg puns stole my heart, even if they were predictable at times. As for Oliver, any time he expands on how he needs guy friends and is in excrutiating pain over the time Miley and Lily spend on girl matters is entertaining to me. His response to kitten checks? Priceless.

Overall, not a bad episode, but not stellar. I’m still a bigger fan of season 2, the years before Miley became so self-absorbed that she’s repulsive to watch. See above re: likability.

Miley Cyrus is evil.

Sometimes I love E!. The main reason is because while E! reports on the tween stuff (as I do sometimes), they really don’t take themselves too seriously. And neither do their readers.

We last got to enjoy the post about how to tell the Jonas Brothers apart. And now? Who’s evil?

The answer: Miley Cyrus.

For the full article, go here, but here’s basically what I grabbed from the site.

My best friend and I are arguing over who is more evil. The categories are the Jonas Brothers, Zach Efron, Miley Cyrus, or Twilight. So who do you think is more evil?
—Amelia

Technically, dear, the term would be most evil. If the contest were pared down to, say, Miley Cyrus vs. Twilight—which it should be—then the term would be more evil.

Now, the analysis: As much as you may despise the Jonas Brothers, they really do try to be nice, and they love them some Jesus, and they clean up before every public appearance, and they put on ties, and they say terribly sweet things to reporters. Let’s leave them to their treacle.

Zac Efron, meanwhile, never really says anything, so we have nothing to nail him on.

That leaves Miley Cyrus and the sparkling vampires…

The vampires, while irksome, do not technically exist, except in the febrile minds of the nation’s teenage girls. That leaves us with Cyrus, who talks way too loud and tells the same story over and over about how she used to run a one-kid cleaning service.

Evil.

In a competition among Zac Efron (who coined the phrase Zefron, by the way?), Miley, the JoBros, and Twilight, Miley wins–er, loses.

Not that I really think she is. I mean, she doesn’t eat live deer or kill people like the vampires in Twilight (come on, there were bad vampires, too), but she did make fun of Demi Lovato’s teeth once. And she allows herself to wear the terrible new ensembles for Hannah Montana (character, not show) since the haircut makeover. Maybe they’re right.

But I still vote vampires.

Highlights of the post:

• “As much as you may despise the Jonas Brothers, they really do try to be nice, and they love them some Jesus…and they put on ties…”
• “The vampires, while irksome, do not technically exist, except in the febrile minds of the nation’s teenage girls.”
• The correction in grammar between “more” and “most.”

I must admit, I don’t know what they have against Zac Efron. I mean, he tends to stay out of the spotlight compared to the other Disney kids. At least in what I read.

Just a random update

On such a murky Monday morning (which is not true, the sun is shining, and while it snowed this morning, it has stopped now), I’ve stopped to post random things on my blog. Why? Because it’s mine.

Muah-ah-ah-ha.

Just kidding. No, it’s actually just to inform you that I didn’t catch Desperate Housewives last night in favor of the Golden Globes. Which I TiVoed. By the way, that’s the best way to watch it. You can fast forward through all those speeches by people that you don’t know about movies that you never heard of (sorry, Best Foreign Film). But I plan to catch up on DH by way of the internet (rock on, internet), and I hope to have a review up tonight, tomorrow, or the next day. Maybe Tuesday. I don’t think much is on on Tuesday except maybe Scrubs. Let me know if I’m wrong.

Anyway, but it seems like that can’t make a long enough post, so let’s discuss Disney.

Is it just me or is Disney only making pop stars now? Ok, that seems like an obvious statement, but let’s look back.

This all started with Hilary Duff. She was an actress–had her own series. And then, wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles, SHE COULD SING! And they had her sing, in one episode. And then a movie. But it wasn’t like they were making a career out of it.

Well, Hilary wanted to make a career out of it, so they did. And it was successful!

So then they thought, what if other people could sing? So they gave it a shot: Christy Carlson Romano–yes! But instead of pop, she went on to Broadway. LaLaine–eh, she had a single on Disney Channel alone. Then went on to Buffy (for a short stint). And Raven–crap, apparently they thought she could sing when I disagreed.

But look: Raven wasn’t automatically a pop star. They cast her in a TV movie: The Cheetah Girls. And then they broke out with pop once that became popular.

But there were others, you know. What about Shia LeBeouf? He was from Disney and he didn’t sing. But no one mentions him. Why? He’s not a pop star. He’s just *gasp* an actor.

But now, everyone on the Disney Channel sings, either on Radio Disney and in commercials or on the radio. It’s almost like a requirement that they must sing. Even those stupid kids on As the Bell Rings are starting to sing. Why, people. Why why why?

There’s like this cookie-cutter mold that each person on the Disney Channel must fit into now. True the High School Musical franchise somehow made it big, so I understand why Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens would then have singing careers. But the rest of them? Really?

Camp Rock was just horrible, but since it had the Jonas Brothers–who Disney basically built, by the way–it somehow is considered popular. At least all the merchandise would think so.

So which comes first? The pop star or the Disney star? Is there a difference anymore? All the up-and-comers that aren’t Dakota Fanning are from Disney–which means all the up-and-comers are overdone and annoying.

Anyway, just a thought. An annoying thought. I just wish that we’d have more good actors out there. It seems like raising these people in this fashion seems to be raising bad actors–look at Miley Cyrus for goodness’ sake! Since her popularity has grown, so has her overacting. Priorities are shifting.

And I know you all are going to mention Lindsay Lohan, but I still don’t consider her to really be a Disney Channel star. She was in one TV movie, but everything else was outside the channel itself.

I don’t know if I came to a conclusion, but maybe you all can come up with some if I haven’t.

Holiday Recap Review: The Santa Clause

The Santa Clause

I know it’s shown a lot, but I really love this Christmas movie. It’s by far not my favorite, but it’s definitely one that I try to catch each year. It’s just so…fun. The jokes are still fresh, and the kid is adorable, and really, who doesn’t enjoy seeing David Krumholtz as an elf?

For those of you who haven’t checked out this 1994 hit Christmas movie, Scott (Tim Allen) wakes up to find Santa on his roof. When he startles Santa, Santa falls. Scott reads his card, puts on the suit, and takes over his role as Santa–son in tow.

What I like is that it’s not just dumb Christmas tomfoolery. You have Christmas tomfoolery, then a year of adjusting to his role as Santa (including gaining mad weight and gray facial hair), then Christmas tomfoolery again.

And what’s better? Elves. Lots of elves. Cute elves. And elves that use tinsel to break people out of the slammer.

Plus, the kid is cute. I said that, but he is. Now, a part of me just wonders what will become of him, what with believing so fully in Santa throughout the non-Christmas months, and way past when others have stopped. We see a little bit in The Santa Clause 2 (I haven’t seen the third movie to enlighten us there), but I do wonder.

Plus, it’s from 1994. There are some fantastic little kid clothes and terrible sweaters. And it’s in the shadow of Home Improvement, which means Tim Allen’s “ho ho ho” might sound a bit like the Tool Man.

Anyway, it’s just fun. So if you’re wondering what you should watch while in that blizzard in Washington, Netflix it. Or it will be on again Christmas Eve (on Disney Channel, 6:00, according to IMDB). You’ll enjoy.

Science and Eli unite

ELI STONE: 2.08 “Owner of a Lonely Heart”

I love me some nerdiness. Especially when it goes hand in hand with one of my favorite shows.

This week’s Eli Stoneshowed us a future Nobel Prize winner who is basically Unibomber-esque. And in case you’re wondering, no, that wasn’t Amber Tamblyn. Instead, it was Danielle Panabaker. Who? Well, for those of you who didn’t watch Disney Channel, oh, five years ago (or more), she was one who got her start on Disney’s original movie Stuck in the Suburbs. Anyway…

I enjoyed watching her on Eli, despite the DC roots. I think she played the rebellious, bitter genius well, despite the fact that sometimes that type of character can come across as a cliche. I love incorporating the idea of science and invention into shows, too. It makes the viewers even wonder where we can go in science: What’s the realm of disbelief and what belongs in possibility?

Larger questions aside, this episode just made me lament the fact that the show is being cancelled. For a pretty regular episode, it really gave us some deep background into characters. Jordan’s marriage is imploding–divorce proceedings came and went–and now Taylor is finding out some skeletons in Jordan’s closet about her mother. Taylor’s mother has never been anyone we’ve even considered in this show so far, so it was a surprise to see some development and realizations. Or even to discover what her absentee mother meant to Taylor–she who has a more protected heart. I guess being a to-be mom brings out some of this (the baby being another thing we won’t see develop further after cancellation).

Then there’s Dr. Chen, who we’ve discovered is having a hard time with his business (who isn’t nowadays?). Even Eli is turning to other people when Chen won’t grant his wish of the Dark Truth. So we’re seeing some conflict with Chen as Eli still struggles with his future and his visions. This is actually becoming a common theme for this season–more so than the understanding of season one–and one that won’t get fully developed either.

Meanwhile, with the Dark Truth, we see more of Nate. I love Nate, and honestly, since the premiere of this season, I love him more and more. He’s so supportive and smiles so much more. So to see that he might be broken-hearted in an upcoming episode is terrible. I want him to have a happy ending. Can we fit that in before cancellation?

Clearly, cancellation is an error. We need more time. More time with these characters and to make Eli happy. How can he “Live Brave” with so little time? If it’s not an aneurysm, it’s ABC.

Deliver me a Gonzo

A MUPPET CHRISTMAS: LETTERS TO SANTA

Well, I watched. Did you? And I’m going to be honest: It wasn’t bad.

Now, let’s backtrack. As you know, I’m not pleased with the Muppets as of late. With the introduction of Studio DC: Almost Live, I’ve been pained to see that the Muppets are just a tool to make the wee-est of children blink. They’ve run out of the funny and seem to be solely dependent on their human costars. The Muppet Show, which always had at least one “host,” did lean on the human side of things, but if you go back and watch, the show wasn’t about them. Sure, they performed, but you were entertained by the Muppets. The host was just a added bonus.

I’m not denying that you enjoyed the host–Harry Belafonte is one of my guests on the show–but it wasn’t a show about the host. In the end, it was about the Muppets.

The problem as of late is that they’re dependent on the cameos. The cameos ran the show. So hearing that Uma Thurmond and Whoopie Goldberg were among the many people in Letters to Santa had me worried–no, horrified!

But I guess the realized the errors of their ways. For once, we have a movie about the Muppets. More accurately, about just a handful of them. I think in the past, the writers have felt like they have all these Muppet characters at their fingertips, so let’s use them all. Last night, they didn’t! They sent them all away–including the worst of the bunch as of late, Miss Piggy–and left only five Muppets to go on the journey.

It had more of a focus, which I appreciated. And don’t get me wrong, I like Miss Piggy, but lately we’ve lost the real relationship with Kermit and Piggy. Kermit would always be annoyed at Piggy, while she was always needy and lovey-dovey. Now we just have a pissy Piggy and a Kermit that tries to pacify her. No good, my fuzzy friends.

What’s more, the movie had a plot. And Whoopie only had one line. That’s what a cameo is about. I feel that her…relationship…with the Muppets has become a bit too cliche and that she’d have a larger, more painful role. Fortunately, she didn’t. We were saved (unlike past Christmas specials).

And it had emotion. You really felt for Gonzo (one of my favorites), and he wasn’t just a slapstick humor guy.

Plus: ORIGINAL SONGS. How long has it been since we’ve had original songs? Even Muppets from Space didn’t introduce new songs to us. And they were decent. I felt a wee bit of warm and fuzzy!

My only disappointment is that Jane Krakowski didn’t get an opportunity to sing. While I loved Jesse L. Martin in a role for singing, why couldn’t they play up Jane?! From what we’ve seen most recently on the Christmas episode of 30 Rock, she’s fantastic!

I also don’t know how much I loved seeing Disney Channel star Madison Pettis play Claire. I guess I was just hoping to see someone new and fresh. Are there no other child actors out there anymore other than her, Dakota Fanning, and the girl from Little Miss Sunshine?

So anyway, I’m going with it wasn’t bad. If you’ll notice, I haven’t analyzed any of the plot or actual humor in the show, which means that I honestly don’t know where it stands on a calibrated scale. Right now, my decision is weighed down by my negative expectations that it would bomb and make me ashamed to ever mention the work “Muppet” in public. So it didn’t do that. Could it be moving in the right direction?

Hoorah!

Valentines at Christmastime

WIZARDS OF WAVERLY PLACE: 2.10 “Baby Cupid”

I find it somewhat funny that out of all the holiday episodes out there, this week’s episode of Wizards seemed to be more for Valentine’s Day than the usual December holidays. I’m not sure if the show was off schedule or what, but it definitely did scream February in my ear, even if it wasn’t supposed to.

But it was alright. Very slapstick at times–what with the many times the Russo crew was trying to beat their mother here, there, and everywhere, just as Max walked in to annouce he fixed the arrow (and then had to break it again).

To be honest, I think what I enjoyed the most was Alex wandering around with a baby. The old man voice wasn’t so funny, but darn that kid was cute. I did have to remind myself, though, that this was Disney Channel, which is why there was a large absence of jokes regarding why a teenage girl was wandering around with a kid.

As for the Justin/Harper part, maybe this will mean that Harper will finally get over the crush she’s held for so long. To be honest, I thought Justin was oblivious to Harper’s obsession, so I found it interesting that we saw him reacting to it–before the arrow hit, that is.

By the way, I did appreciate that the Cupid spell wore off, giving the idea that fake love is not true love. Gives us a slight twist on Cupid, too.

Oh, and the hair sweater was gross. Even though it was just a prop, still gross.

Hannah Montana: Saved by the Christmas

HANNAH MONTANA: 3.05 “Killing Me Softly with His Height”

I can see why Disney Channel only allows its shows a certain number of seasons (generally three). First, the kids grow up so fast. Second, the show gets recycled storylings.

Let’s venture onto the first one. I missed the last new episode, so apparently I missed this: Miley grew up. She changed her hair and honestly looks about four hears older than her double, Hannah Montana (who’s hair, no offense, looks terrible now and looks more like she let it air dry after a shower). For someone who’s supposed to be one of the unpopular kids at school, Miley certainly doesn’t look the part.

Lily, on the other hand, has been ignored. Not in lines, but in hair. Sadly, her hair looked like they put way too much product on top and looked like a mixture between hat head and bed-headed greasiness. Which is terrible, as I think Emily Osmond is just growing up to be a gorgeous young lady.

Looks aside, the episode wasn’t…bad. It’s just lacking originality. If you’re wondering what I’m talking about, take a look at Saved by the Bell. In one particular episode, Jessie meets a super-great guy. She agrees to go to a dance with him, and as they stand up after chatting at the Max, Jessie realizes she’s a head taller than him. She proceeds to be embarassed by their date, and finally realizes he was a nice guy and deserved a second chance.

Miley had the same such discovery. The only difference is that she didn’t have Elizabeth Berkeley’s height. Further, throughout the episode, the guy seemed to get shorter and shorter. True, we could see this as Miley’s perception as the guy shrinking–they did the opposite with Jessie as she pictured herself getting taller and taller in another episode of the series–but it looked more to me like a director said, hey, this kissing scene would work better if you’re shorter. Scrunch your knees a bit.

I did like that we finally saw Miley realize her mistake. Honestly, it’s been something we’ve been missing this season on the show. Miley’s basically been doing whatever she wants, and Robby has just been playing along.

The most refreshing part of the episode to me was Jackson’s pursuit of college. To be honest, the fact that other characters have lives seems to be missing sometimes in this show unless someone has a boyfriend and the story is about that. I’d like to see where Jackson goes with his college storyline. And hey, it was nice to see a character from season 1 return, even if he is just the obnoxious neighbor.

And what about that ending? Christmas morning with…Lily and Oliver? What happened to their families, and why would Jackson purchase something for Miley’s friends? Moreover, why would Miley complain about gift cards when in “It’s a Mannequin’s World,” the two agreed he would no longer buy her things and instead give her money to go shopping on her own. Gift cards would be ideal for her.

Anyway, I’m thinking that the show is getting a little sloppy. I like the one-liners, but they’re few and far between, and I would just like to make sure the show isn’t getting bogged down by popularity of the actors. Remember when I thought it was clever? Where’d that go?

BUT as a final line, I would like to say, at least this was a decent Christmas episode. It had elves and Santa, reindeer costumes and presents. Hell, it had smiles, which is more than we can say about The Office.

My achy-breaky tooth

HANNAH MONTANA: 3.03″Don’t Go Breakin’ My Tooth”

For someone that hates the dentist, this episode struck a chord. The only difference is that, eventually, my parents decided that I’m grown up enough to drive myself to the dentist and go by myself, not convince myself I can still be scared. Like Robby Ray did in the end. But it wasn’t that bad of an episode.

Honestly, I found the best part of the show to be Oliver’s rap at the end. I think any time this kid raps, it grabs my attention. He’s just hilarious.

I almost forgot he was dating Joannie, who’s had a change of hair color since we’ve last seen her. Honestly, I feel like they’ve combined Joannie with Sarah, now creating only once curly-haired character with issues with a carnivorous diet. I liked Sarah a little more, so I hope we see more of her, but Joannie wasn’t as annoying as usual. I’m not saying that the actress does a bad job–it’s her character. But they must be softening her a little so that we can accept her dating Oliver.

In other news, Hannah had a timeline faux pas. If anyone noticed, Miley said that she’ll be driving soon so she should be able to go to the dentist by herself. We’ve already seen her driving, so unless she meant her two-week probation to get her license, we slipped a little. But then again, maybe that has more to do with rearranging episodes earlier this season, but who knows.

Anyway, not much more to say about the episode. It was just ok for me. It might have hit a stronger chord, if I hadn’t seen the scene with Miley in the dentist’s waiting room so many times as a promo. I don’t think I like Disney Channel’s new ads showing you a sample scene, honestly. It makes me feel like the episode’s a little tired before I even see it. Plus, it’s only a 30-minute show, so showing a 3-minute clip is more than 10% of the episode (if you consider that commercials take up a large chunk of the show, too.) Anyway…

Oh, my only complaint: Somehow I don’t think Miley would stick a fork in her mouth to get something out of her tooth. That seemed a little out of character. Maybe something Jackson would do, but not Miley. Plus, it was gross. I couldn’t watch it.

Did anyone else have thoughts? Can anyone find that Oliver rap somewhere on the web? It was great.